My mark on this world

When I was in school I had a teacher once ask "What will your mark on this world be?". Back then I didn't really fully understand the question but now as an adult I understand it but still have no true answer to the question. Over the past couple of months this question has been haunting me. I guess with the economy the way it is when people find out I stay at home by choice they kind of give me this look of disgust and a comment that something like "Oh you're just a stay at home mom". After the urge to smack them subsides the doubt comes into mind and then this question "What will my mark on this world be?". So I've been thinking about the things that have happened over the past 15 years of my life since I left High School, since my time to make a mark on this world truly started and I've been wondering what have I done. So for myself I made a list and to some it might not seem like a lot but it helps ease this stay at home moms mind.

**My 4 greatest mark on this world are my children Kindred, Ana, Libby and Katie.

Kindred is a kind hearted loving man, who is polite to adults and does as he asks. He is excited about joining JROTC next year and is already looking forward to it. He will help anyone who needs it even if they don't ask, on more than one occasion he has gotten into a fight defending his friends against bullies.

Ana is my smart over achiever. She is out going and loving towards any and everyone. In the short year that she's been here she has established herself in her school in such a way you would never be able to tell she didn't grow up here. She is always willing to help anyone who needs her and will sit for hours with her little sister just to make her happy.

Libby is my little entertainer. Her smile can light up a room and cheer even the gloomiest person up. She loves to dance, sing, play soccer, and will try just about anything you ask her to. She wears her heart on her sleeve and will give anyone that asks the biggest hug they have ever received.

Katie is my little daredevil. She has no sense of fear and a determination that would put even most stubborn person to shame. I have no doubt in my mind that she will be able to do anything she puts her mind to no matter how big it is.

**My former playgroup. Even though I am no longer a member of this group and honestly still don't talk to most of the members. This amazing group of ladies that came together because of a group I started is just breath taking. I am just honored that I was able to be a part of these ladies finding life long friends even if I am no longer apart of it.

The two items above are only just a start to my internal list but my question to you my friend is "How will you make your mark on this world and will it be enough for you?"

Freecycle vs. Charitycycle

Now this blog might come across as a little harsh but this particlar topic has been bugging me so here we go.

I belong to more than my fair share of comunity discussion groups and I also belong to freecycle, so this is what this blog stems from. As I was going through my email this week, it seems one memeber felt the need to complain over and over again about how unfair it was that people sit online all day claiming stuff on freecycle when people like her "really need" the items in question. Now I am a poster not a claimer, because I have more than enough crap of my own that I don't need anyone elses, so I can't say that I have had this particular problem. She kept going on and on about how people should read through every email and pick the person who needs the item most not the first person to respond, now for me personally when I post something on Freecycle its not about charity its about getting the item out of my house as soon as possible. If I wanted the item to go to a charity there are plenty of places here in town that would happily take the item off my hand just for that purpose. Not that I'm saying charity is bad, I donate and give my time to any cause I feel is just, but when I am looking to Freecycle its not on the top of my list. I don't read each and every story that is sent to me because honestly I can't tell who's lying and who's telling the truth, so my item goes to the first person that responds to my email. Even with that said the time I checked, which by the way was yesterday, charity is not Freecycle's mission. The mission statement is as follow: Our mission is to build a worldwide gifting movement that reduces waste, saves precious resources & eases the burden on our landfills while enabling our members to benefit from the strength of a larger community. It is pretty clear that Freecycle is an environmental group to help ease our waste burden on the planet Earth not to give to the person we find needs our item the most. So please be a good Freecycler, when you respond to a item that you are interested in say please and thank you and cross your fingers and hope.

Playing the game....

So I have been told by a few people that I am no longer good at "playing the game" and I only wish they were talking about board games.

Tonight I have to go to a board meeting for my sons roller hockey league, I dread doing this because this is the game that I am no good at playing. I no longer have any tolerance or tack for people that play games instead of doing what is right and best for children. I am under the impression that the purpose of the board is to make sure the league runs smoothly and that it is successful for all the children in the league. The longer I am around the more clear it is to me that some of the people, not all, do not have these intentions. They only seem to be interested in what makes them look good and what makes their lives easier.

I am sick of excuses like "I don't get paid for this ya know" and "I don't have time to do that but if you'd like to feel free". Ya know what you accepted the position on the board knowing darn well that it was going to take work, if you didn't have time to fulfill your obligations maybe you should ask your fellow board members for help or step-down. When you tell parents that you need more participants on the board and then not accept the ones that offer to join you have no room to complain that you don't have time to do things.

I know that as parents we can be difficult and hard to please, but asking that you post the minutes to the board meeting and keeping us informed isn't to much to ask. Asking that you not make decisions about jersey changes without getting the input for the parents that pay for the jerseys and the kids who wear them isn't really to much to ask. I didn't even know about the board meetings for the first season my son played for this league, why do you ask....because no one bothered to put the word out about them. I was always under the impression that the more people that know what is going on the better every thing would be, but that seems to be wrong. Everything is very secretive and hush hush.

I guess my point is that when I go to these meetings and try to "help" like the board says they want I get shot down, every time because I don't play the game. I am very logical and when you are doing something that goes against logic it drives me up a wall and just pushes my buttons. I don't hide my frustration with other adults, if I think you are wrong I will tell you so and try to explain my point of view. If all you do is dodge the question or put off your work on me I get very defensive and well just not nice lol

So my goal tonight is to be nice, logical and non-defensive when trying to make my point.

Wish me luck!

My life from HS to present

I was married Dec 20th 1994 to a man named Travis. We moved to Millington Tn and lived there until June 23rd 1995. At that point I moved back home with my parents for the summer and Travis went to California for training (he was a marine), in the fall we moved to Havelock North Carolina. On Dec 6th 1995 John Kindred was born. He brought a whole new world in to light and the joys of parenthood began. In March 1996 Travis went overseas and it was just Kindred and I until August 1996 when Travis came back from his tour.

The following year Anastazia Bianka was born on Dec 20th 1997. Soon after that it was clear things were not going to work out with Travis (lets just say he was not a nice person to be around when he drank) so the kids and I left and moved back home to live with my parents in Burke Virginia. While we were all there my Mom went into congestive heart failure so she was unable to help me recover from my depression. Over the next year it was clear that I was in no condition to take of my children. So I asked my MIL to help out by taking the children for one year so I could get myself to a place mentally that I needed to be and to find a job so I could take care of myself and the kids. Needless to say this was a bad idea, once she got the kids I didn't get them back. Papers were filed and the custody and divorce were settled June 2001.

Life moved on, I got a job and moved out. I was living in Waldorf, Maryland for awhile. I saw my kids as often as I could with them living in North Carolina. I took the time to find my center and become a better person and mother. Time marched on and in October 2002 my Dad passed away. Sitting by his bed with my Mom in his last moments was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I still have issues with his passing and learned one very valuable lesson "Never hold anything back with the ones you love because you never know when you will get the chance to say what you need to". I can only hope that now that he is at peace he knows how much I truly love him and how very much I miss my Daddy.

Once my Dad passed my Mom asked me to move back in with her to help take care of the house and so we could be there for each other. I did because it was great to be able to be there for her when she had always been there for me.

In October 2003 I meet a wonderful man on the yahoo personals. His name was Matt, an Army MP who was everything I had been looking for and more. I wish he had been the first but sad to say there were a lot of frogs before I found my prince lol. From our first date we both knew it was meant to be, I just took a little longer to figure it out. In December 2003 we found out we were expecting. It took us 3 months to plan our wedding and on March 20th 2004 we said our vows in Maryland. Our little Elizabeth Ann was born August 31 2004. In the summer of 2005 the kids came to visit us, Libby turned 1 and Kindred decided he wanted to live with us. Ana made her choice to go back to her Dad's so in August 2005 our family grew by 1 full-time.

In 2006 we also moved to Winchester Virginia. Everything was going great, Matt was out of the Army, Kindred was in school and Libby was getting bigger and bigger. Over spring break 2007 we found out we were expecting Georgia Katherine. At that point we decided to buy our first home and really settle down. In July 2007 we bought our first home in Martinsburg West Virginia. It was a long and tetiaous search but we found a house that was big enough for all of us. A few months pass as we settle in to our new home. On Dec 5th 2007 Katie is welcomed into the world. Her addition to the family makes us complete (well for now lol maybe adoption later). In May of 2008 on Mothers Day actually Ana asks if she can move in with us full-time. I tell her she has to wait until school is out and then we can set it up.

Since then we have gone to court to have custody reverted back to me, I honestly didn't think it would ever happen. I am beyond thrilled to have all of my children under one roof again. Since everything has been made legal we have had a few speed bumps in the road but what family doesn't. Our weeks are now filled with Roller Hockey, Girl Scouts, Tennis, Open Gym, Pre-School and a little one who likes to climb things. Through all of this all I keep thinking is as long as we have each other we can make it through anything!